'They shouted at demons inside me' - survivors want ban on gay conversion practices

A man said he was left suicidal after undergoing exorcisms intended to stop him being gay.

Ian Smith, 56, was 18 when he moved to Newport and became a born-again Christian, and conversion practices resulted in a decade of trauma and admission to a psychiatric unit after he tried to kill himself.

There is no law in England and Wales banning conversion practices unless they involve physical violence, threats or injury.

This week, Smith gave evidence to Parliament's Joint Committee, saying he was among the 75% of conversion practice victims who want to see it banned, as part of testimony to assist the Draft Conversion Practices Bill.

Smith, who now lives in Cardiff, said he "grew up in a working-class environment in the north of England, where being gay was unacceptable" and went to a Church of England school.

"I struggled with my sexuality, my sense of gender and what it meant to be a man," he said.

He moved from Lancashire to Newport to study film and felt "deeply insecure" and, while at university, he met a born-again Christian and eventually became one himself.

He said he did not want to be gay, he "wanted to be the person I believed God wanted me to be".

He married a woman, the couple had two children and Smith was "trying to build a family, live according to my religious beliefs and change my sexuality".

From 1987 to 1997 Smith took part in conversion practices - including exorcisms - across a network of churches, counsellors, and support groups in Wales and Bristol.

At one session, when he was about 20, Smith said he told the group he was attracted to men and asked for help.

The women in the room were asked to leave and about 10 men gathered around him.

He said: "They laid hands on me, spoke in tongues and shouted at the demons they believed were inside me. This went on for more than two hours."

For months afterwards he would wake up screaming in the night.

Smith also saw Christian counsellors and went to peer-support groups that taught him that, if he could not change his sexuality, he must stay celibate and deny it.

He said he was told his relationship with his father had made him gay and a better relationship with God could put it right.

"I was miserable. I was trying to change something fundamental about myself while believing that failure would be evidence of a personal or spiritual failing."

When nothing worked, Smith was told it was his fault and he had not prayed enough or was not "close enough to God".

"No-one considered that the attempts to 'cure' me might be causing the harm," he added.

In his diary at the time, he wrote: "The past is to be forgotten, the present tolerated and the future feared."

Smith eventually attempted to take his own life and was admitted to a psychiatric unit where an on-duty psychiatrist told him there was "nothing wrong with being gay".

"After years of prayer, exorcisms, therapy and attempts to change, a single sentence offered something I had rarely been able to accept - perhaps I wasn't the problem," he said.

"I spent so much time in these institutions that I didn't know who I was. And if it wasn't for that psychiatrist with those simple words, I probably wouldn't be here," he told the committee.

"The institutions that were apparently overseeing the kind of practices that I was involved in still exist today."

Smith left Christianity and, over time, rebuilt his life - actively seeking help because he believed being gay was wrong after "years of religious teaching".

"I have never forgotten how close I came to losing my life while trying to become someone I wasn't."

He told the hearing it was only five years ago, while watching Pray Away on Netflix that he "recognised I was a victim".

It featured an organisation called Exodus International, which he said "funded organisations and church institutions in the UK".

Exodus International was a prominent US Christian group that purported to rid gay people of same-sex attraction through prayer.

It shut down in 2013 after California made conversion practices against minors illegal.

There is no law in England and Wales that bans conversion practices - existing law is built around physical violence, threats and injury.

Most of what Smith went through - prayer, counselling, and group sessions aimed at changing or suppressing his sexuality, which he sought out willingly and which caused serious psychological harm - does not fit this definition.

Smith said: "I actively sought them out because I believed they could help me become the person I thought I ought to be. My willingness to participate did not make them harmless.

"Beyond individual cases, a ban sends a clear message to institutions and society - attempting to change or suppress someone's sexual orientation is unacceptable."

The harm came from years of practices that each looked lawful on their own, according to Humanists UK.

Smith later trained as a counsellor and now runs Helpu, a men's mental health initiative that works to reduce male suicide.

Nathan Stilwell, from Humanists UK, said: "Ian was subjected to exorcisms because he was gay and was brought to the brink of losing his life.

"Yet most of what he endured would still not clearly be illegal today. That is why this law matters.

"Freedom of religion or belief is vital, and people must remain free to pray and to seek open, exploratory support. But it has never meant freedom to harm."

If you have been affected by the topic discussed in this article, support is available via the BBC Action Line.